I'm glad you saw me in my office earlier today, and I`m really happy we had our talk.
First, there really are no quick fixes, no shortcuts, but you have to accept this before you can start moving on to an healing phase.
School??? I know exactly how you feel, at the High School level, and at the University level. I had goals for graduating and a plan laid out for me when I started the 11th grade, but two and a half months into it I had to quit because of bullying - it really was that bad. I suspect it had alot to do with my health as well, in that I was small, sickly, never competed in Gym because of my health, and that kind of stuff gets around and eventually you become a target - Grades 8, 9, and 10 came at me like a Banshee with the proverbial hair-brush... but the day I went home I simply said I quit and I'm not going back until something's changed - I already had an idea it was me, but I just stayed quite so I didn't need to start spilling my guts about my big plan. I took the year off, started exercising as my Dr laid it out for me, and took up a couple hobbies. Sure, I wasn't graduating with friends that I'd known for the better part of a decade, but I went back, made new friends, felt good about myself, and what's most important, GRADUATED.
I never went to my Graduation though. We were always dirt poor, and I mean DIRT POOR; couldn't afford the Tuxedo rental, the Dinner, and the kind of ride that I would've needed for my Prom date. I just got "violently ill" those couple of days. No harm no foul.
As for University, my plans got seriously screwed up... I'm not sure if I'll ever get them back on track, but I've got my degrees, and I did the work, with amazing grades. You wanna talk about attendance due to health??? I've literally had semesters, five in all, completely wiped from my perm. record because of my attendance, my health was seriously flawed and I'm surprised that I've got through five years of post-secondary, but it's all good, because I knew from experience, that this was simply a given in my life, and these things will happen, you can only hope for the best, always the best. Patience...
Throughout the last 10/15 years, I've spent alot of time in Hospitals across my country because of my health. BUT, I was always going to make it because half the fight was already won in just knowing that in toughing the hard crap out, you've got the tough crap beat.
I've never let my health prevent me from doing, and getting what I want or felt I needed. I am a Bona Fide Martial Arts expert, with competition experience at the National and International level, and I've never missed the podium. I have an amazing education, and I've been in the Gym the last couple of years getting back in shape doing the weights and Yoga - I really like the Yoga. I've been told I look good, but I know how I feel, and that's good.
What I guess I could share is that you've got to set yourself up with something to say to yourself when you find yourself in certain situations... I have sayings that I recite almost everyday here's a few of them;
Stance, Attitude, Combinations, Ruthlessness, Timing Beats Speed... if you really think about it, you can apply this anywhere anytime.
Another one that I say to myself when I find I don't have the energy or motivation to get things done is... Do the work and things will work out right. I know it's kinda silly, but these work for me...
One I share with a fellow Martial Artist, Renzo Gracie, is "I'd rather have a broken arm than tap-out" This one is one that oozes "Persevere" an incredibly powerful word, that this quote says to me, and I say to myself when I feel like grabbing my ball and just going home.
I guess what the message here is that these things that you are going through now, right now, are not forever... they are temporary; they are not what defines you as an individual but what is going to help make the definition of you when you come out on top on the other side.
One thing I should say, and I say it with caution because I don't wanna offend you, but you sound depressed, and that's something I know a 'little' about. You might want to think about that, because I learned a long long time ago that... 1. I am not alone with my problems - I don't have to be if I don't want to be... 2. I'm no good to anybody if I'm no good to myself, and this is all about my health. My physical, and my mental well being is my first concern... always.
You've got some amazing experiences ahead of you... hell, sometimes I wish I could go back and do some stuff again, but, guess what? It always finishes with the words "... but with my present Brain and knowledge, and all my experiences."
You're young. You should start that diary now, cuz this thing, Life, is a helluva ride, and somebody's gonna wanna read all about it...
Cheers
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